Written By Clara and Karaden

Disclaimer: No characters belong to us
Summary: A series of episode based fics with a GJ twist
Category: humour, romance

| Sex, Drugs & Coffee | Attack Of The Coffee Machines | Coffee Filled Interludes |
| The Perils Of Coffee | A Coffee Fuelled Rumour Mill |

Sex, Drugs and Coffee - Hathor
Hammond's in trouble now

Janet stood outside of the holding cell where their newest guest was being interrogated. She'd been inside the mountain complex for over 2 hours and Janet had yet to get a glimpse of her and to say she was intrigued would be putting it lightly. Usually she was one of the first to be introduced to visitors to the mountain but this case had been different, and none of the guards had been willing to tell her why.

The door opened knocking her out of her musings. General Hammond and Colonel O'Neill walked out looking suspiciously dazed and in the Colonels case, more confused than usual. She watched as they exchanged a few words before the Colonel headed down the corridor, as George made to move in the opposite direction, Janet called to him and made her way over to him as he turned to face her.

"So Sir, how's our guest doing?" She asked light heartedly not letting her fears show at her lovers indifferent look.

"She's fine doctor."

"So, when will she be visiting the infirmary for an examination?"

"I don't think that'll be necessary Doctor. Hathor is to be treated as a honoured guest, I'm sure we can dispense with the formalities don't you think?"

"Honoured guest? but sir, she's only been on base 2 hours and we have no idea where she's from!"

"Are you questioning my decisions Doctor?"

"Well no sir but..."

"Then I suggest you show a little bit more respect for the guests of this facility." With that parting shot he headed down to corridor leaving a confused Janet in his wake.

***

"Oww."

"Oh quite whining." the tone of her voice made his eyes snap open and attempt to sit up fast enough to make him dizzy and flop back onto the bed again.

Janet tossed the cloth down onto the near by table and glared at him.

"What happened?"

"Ooh Sam just decided to knock some sense into you."

He looked up at her the confusion evident in his eyes. "What?" He blinked as he tried to figure out why the hell one of his subordinates would have hit him over the head.

She turned back to him with an exasperated sigh "Do you actually remember anything sir?" At his continued look of confusing she carried on, "How you were rude to me, snapped at me, had me locked up, got me shot and drooled over little miss ?!"

He closed his eyes again. oh..*that*

"Well, you're just luckily that *some* people on this base were paying enough attention to know something was wrong and could sort it out."

He started at her before breaking into a light smile "So...coffee?"
***

"Honoured guest?" Janet sat down on the couch curled her fingers around her warm mug of coffee. "You were really out of it, weren't you?"

George smiled at the women at his side and squeezed her arm lightly. "I said I was sorry, it's not every day you're bewitched by a Goa'uld you know!"

Jostling him slightly Janet grinned before saying "You know I'm never gonna let you live this down right?"

He replied simply with "I know."

Standing, Janet held her hand out to him, "Come on George time for bed" He took it gratefully and let her pull him up.

Letting go of his hand she headed for the bedroom before stopping and looking over her shoulder. "Come on you with crown of marble." She disappeared from sight leaving him staring after her and wondering. 'Crown of Marble? how the hell had she heard about that?!'
***

Attack Of The Coffee Machines - Urgo
The CO and CMO play around while SG-1 are occupied.

Janet sat down at her desk and rubbed her tired eyes. SG-1 had gotten themselves into yet another mess and got an electronic entity implanted into their brains and now she had to find away to remove him.
 
Sighing she stood and helped herself to another cup of coffee from the machine, she winced as the cold liquid hit the back of her throat and put the cup down and smiled to herself, oh well, she�d just have to use the machine in the conference room instead.
 
Wandering down the corridor she smiled and nodded at the nameless airmen she passed and grinned as the conference room doors came into view. Inside she found the room deserted and slowly headed over to the coffee machine conveniently placed under the star chart giving her a clear view into the Generals office.
 
She let out a disappointed sigh to see the office was empty then gasped as a hand landed on her waist and a voice near her ear said �Looking for something?�
 
She leaned back into the strong arms of the man behind her and replied �Coffee.�
 
�I have a nice fresh batch in my office,� he said moving his hand from her waist to lead her into his office. �It�s decaffeinated so you�ll have to come by my quarters later for the real thing.�
 
Janet smirked at the look of lust on her lovers face. �Well, how can I refuse an offer like that?� She flirted back.
 
Hammond opened his mouth to reply but was interrupted by an airman rushing into the room. �Sorry to disturb you sir but there�s a situation we felt you should be aware of.�
 
Hammond and Janet exchanged a look of irritation before he replied �What is it airmen?� He sighed and Janet couldn�t help but smile at the frustration clearly evident in his voice.
 
�It�s SG-1 sir.� Hammonds face immediately changed to worry before changing to disbelief as the airmen continued. �They�ve broken into the pantry again.�
 
***
Coffee Filled Interludes - Upgrades
He's done it again

George was starting to worry. Janet hadn't talked to him since the 'incident' that morning and he was starting to think that the situation was more serious that it had first appeared. Now to top it off, SG-1 had gotten themselves into trouble and Anise was outside the infirmary (along with a very frosty Janet) trying to get herself out of trouble.

His mind began to wonder as he went through the various ways he could make it up to his lover, at the same time nodding in what he thought were the appropriate places as Janet and Anise argued.

"Doesn't that concern you?" Oh shit. That sounded *way* too supportive of Anise. He mentally kicked himself, then, fearing the worst, turned to look at his lover. Two brown eyes full of icy fury met his, with a look that said quite clearly 'You are never having sex with me again....ever' Oh shit.

"Doctor, we've seen some really interesting results. Are you sure we should discontinue the experiment?" The fact was this was his first serious relationship since his wife died and he didn�t want it to end because of the�.incident. He hoped that Janet had caught on to the double meaning in his words. Going by the look on her face she did....and he'd made it worse. Oh shit
***
Anise stared for a moment at the two forms retreating from the infirmary. Doctor Frasier had seemed to be in a remarkably bad temper during their discussion, much more so than she had the previous day. And the General had been acting almost� afraid of her? The Tok'ra suddenly had to fight the urge to laugh out loud. They *couldn't* be! No, it had to be her imagination. Doctor Frasier had much better candidates to choose from. And yet�

A smirk plastered itself across her face. This was turning out to be a *very* interesting trip�
***

The Perils Of Coffee - Upgrades
Hammond makes a big mistake

Janet was NOT happy, she�d thought that after all they�d been through he�d know her better than that but no, he�d still gone ahead and done it without asking her.
 
Oh sure, he�d claimed he wanted to wake her up with a surprise but that was still no excuse for not knowing her as well as she knew him and thought he�d known her.
 
Sighing she leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes, that was the problem with keeping their relationship a secret, there was no one she could talk to when he did something like this.
***
 
He couldn�t believe how unreasonable and unprofessional she was being. It was one thing to be mad at him in private, but to let one little mistake interfere with their professional relationship right in the middle of SG-1s latest crisis was ridiculous and people were starting to notice.
 
He tried to apologise but she�d muttered something about thinking he�d known her better and stormed into the bathroom slamming the door and hadn�t spoken to him about the incident since, she�d replied to all his queries about SG-1 and Anises experiment but her tone was clipped and it obvious that she wasn�t going to forgive him anytime soon.
 
He had a halfway completed plan over how he was going to make it up to her but one thing stood between him and the door, Colonel O�Neill. �It�s just so damn exciting sir!� One very hyperactive Colonel O�Neill.
 
While one part of his mind mulled over how he was going to fix the hole in his wall that Colonel O�Neill had created, inspiration struck. Hurriedly he managed to chase Jack out of his office, no sooner had he started on his plan he heard a loud yell and rolled his eyes, why did it always have to be SG-1?
***
 
Janet smiled as she watched SG-1 file out of the infirmary it had defiantly been an interesting day. Wondering into her office her eyes widened as the first thing she saw was at least 30 bags of coffee beans on the desk in front of her. Slowly she walked forward and picked one of them up gasping as she realised it was the expensive imported kind.
 
�So am I forgiven?� She spun around to see George standing there with two steaming cups of coffee in his hand. She eyed them suspiciously and was surprised when he said hastily as if reading her mind, �Don�t worry I learnt from my mistake, there�s not a drop of decaf in the entire Base.�
 
Grinning she accepted a cup and took a sip. Yep she definitely forgave him this time. Placing first hers then his cup on the desk she pulled him into a hug which he gratefully accepted. �I missed you.� She murmured against his chest. He just smiled and held her tightly trying not to show how delighted he was that his plan had worked. Now all he had to worry about was replacing Doctor Jackson�s coffee before he noticed it was missing.
***

A Coffee Fuelled Rumour Mill - Upgrades
Three background characters get some lines

"Hey Siler, how's the arm?" quipped a cheery voice. Siler turned around to see Ferretti and Sgt. Davis heading towards him.

"Not too bad now, thanks," he replied as they both pulled chairs over to the table where he was sitting. The cafeteria was almost deserted apart from the three of them. "Dr Frasier patched me up and kicked me out pretty quick once she was sure the concussion was gone."

"Well, while you were cooped up in the infirmary, you missed out on all the action!" grinned Ferretti. "O'Neill, Carter and Jackson all went AWOL through the 'Gate � Hammond had to send Teal'c after them!"

"Yeah, I thought I saw them arrive in the infirmary � wasn't sure if it was just the morphine making me see things or not. With the amount Frasier had me on, it wouldn't have been the weirdest thing I saw." He gave the others a small grin. "Y'know, I actually thought I saw Hammond carrying a cart load of coffee bags into the Doc's office. How stupid was that?"

His grin slipped slightly when he saw the look Ferretti and Davis shot at each other. "What?"

Davis cleared his throat and quickly glanced around the room to make sure no one was listening to them. "You may not have imagined it."
Puzzled, Siler glanced at the two faces opposite him. They were dead serious.

"If this is meant to be a joke�"

Ferretti shook his head.

"For once, no. You're not the only one who saw him. I was talking to Hawkins down by the guest rooms when we both saw him heading towards Jackson's quarters. I didn't think anything of it at the time, thought he must just be checking up on him � y'know how protective he is of his favourite archaeologist." All three of them sniggered at that.

"Anyway, Coburn told me later that Jackson and the others were all up in the infirmary at the time, so he *couldn't* have been checking in on him."

Siler took a swig of his coffee, noting with relief that they'd finally got rid of that god-awful decaf stuff.  "That still doesn't prove anything � he could've been down there for a hundred different reasons."

"Like what?" asked Ferretti scornfully, "Besides, where else on the base would he get thirty bags of Columbian Roast?"

Siler almost spat out his coffee.

"THIRTY BAGS??"

Davis nodded, grinning.

"I ran straight into him on Level 27. I think I surprised him - he dropped them and they went everywhere. He was absolutely furious!"

"What did he say?"

"Well, he went bright pink, and just sort of glared at me. And when I asked him if he needed a hand he stormed off. I tell you, something really weird is going on!"

Ferretti chuckled.

"Ya think? But what I really want to know is *why* he was carting that much coffee up to the infirmary. You didn't see anything else after he went into the office?"

Siler shook his head.

"I was pretty out of it. I thought I was hallucinating, remember?" He snorted. "Maybe we should ask Doc Frasier!" Both Ferretti and Siler started to laugh at this, but a look of faint shock spread across Davis's face. He cast his mind back a couple months to when SG-1 had had �Urgo� as a guest, there had been some pretty wild rumours going around at the time, but he�d dismissed them as unrealistic. But now�
 
Looking up, he was surprised to see both Siler and Ferretti staring at him. �Well, you know during the whole Urgo fiasco�� the others nodded intrigued. �Did you here any of the rumours floating around the SGC?�
 
Catching on, Siler looked horrified. �You, don�t think��
 
Ferretti nodded, �It would make sense...�
 
�Yeah, but the General and Frasier?!� Siler seemed to be turning purple, much to Ferretti�s amusement. Before anyone could reply the Stargate activation alarm began to shriek through the base. The Three rumourmongers glanced at each other, before bolting for their stations, leaving behind three bowls of forgotten Jell-O as the only witnesses to their conversation.